nothing

Not that anyone is really reading this, but just in case...

Don't expect anything here until the 9th. I'll be away from the office so that I can take days off to show my sister around Tokyo. I think I'll also use that time to mourn the closing of BOX Higashi Nakano. (The world, she is so cruel!) The end of an era, indeed.

If you have my number, call me. If you don't, write.

film

I am never going to shut up about the Image Forum Festival, am I?

I saw three of the shows this weekend: Decay of Fiction, the Miranda July videos, and selections from the Holland Animation Film Festival.

About the first one, I think it's safe to say that I did not get it. Seriously. (Either that or "I did not like it." That'd be a safe bet as well.) But that's experimental film for you. First there were a bunch of ghost-like images wandering around and chatting incessantly. Then suddenly there was this naked woman dancing in a cowboy hat. I went to that one alone because no one else wanted to go (go figure, heh), but I really think I need to analyze it out loud. So, note to self: do not see anymore confusing films by yourself.

The other two, I would recommend; both are playing two more times each. The animation films will be shown on the 29th and 4th at 5 p.m. Miranda July's videos (with Japanese subtitles) will be on the 1st at 5 p.m. and on the 4th at noon. You can buy tickets at the door, and it's not crowded at. all. The animated films had the biggest crowd so far, but the hall wasn't even filled. So bring a buddy. Hell, bring two.

comedy

Okay, I lied. This is what I'm really doing on Tuesday. There will be no more mind-changing. No really. I swear.

I'm going to see one of the English language shows at the International Comedy Festival in Odaiba. Mind you, I could just as easily catch these same people at Tokyo Comedy Store, but my strong aversion to Roppongi severly limits my visits to the area. Anyway, my friend got me a ticket, we both have a history of being comedy geeks, and I haven't seen her in months. So there it is.

There are a bunch of shows in English, but the one I'm going to is called "English Stand-up Comedy." Acts include Spontaneous Confusion, Mister Zed, Zenjiro and Penalty. I have no idea who any of these people are except for Spontaneous Confusion. They're an improv group, and if you've ever seen The Groundlings in L.A., you'd get an idea of what they do. The games are a little different, and they're not nearly as polished or edgy, but the format is similar. I don't mean to make it sound like they're not funny. They are. Just not 100 percent of the time. (Then again, neither is The Groundlings.) When they're not being funny, they're at least being interesting. Isn't that enough?

The show starts at 7 p.m. in Hall Yellow of Fuji TV 22F Forum. Tickets are a mere 1500 yen. My friend got ours over the phone, but you could probably get them at/in close proximity to the door. Just--whatever you do--do not click on the Comedy Festival link unless you really have to. For some reason, the plethora of "wacky" comedian pics has managed to creep me out this morning.

classical music

From May 18th to the 24th, the Tokyo Opera City Cultural Foundation will be holding Composium 2003 around the works of internationally renowned English composer George Benjamin. It begins with a "talk" with Benjamin on the 18th, along with a showing of the documentary Towards Antara (admission free), based on what is considered to be one of his most important works. This is followed by performances of the composer's chamber music on the 20th (with Benjamin on piano) and his orchestral music on the 22nd (with Benjamin conducting). He will also be holding a free workshop on the 24th and judging a composition competition on the 25th, with the five finalists coming from four different countries. All events take place at Tokyo Opera City, in either the Recital Hall or Concert Hall. See the calendar for details.

I'm not a composer nor a classical musician, so the workshop doesn't really grab me, but I'm particularly interested in hearing the orchestral works since not only will three of those pieces be seeing their Japan premiere, but soprano Yukari Nonoshita will be singing one of them. And I'd like to see the concert for the competition finalists just because I'd like to know what's out there. Ah, young minds. Why can't it be me? Bastards.

The admission fee is quite reasonable compared to anything else you'd see at Tokyo Opera City, and you'd get exposed to a big famous not-dead composer guy to boot.

I'm totally going by myself, aren't I?

misc

Hey, look. Metropolis featured that Shinjuku Loft anniversary without telling you that it's been sold out for weeks (per Loft's website). They also keep reading Yurayura Teikoku as Yurayura Tengoku. A little research, folks.

You know what I find helpful at times like this? The Tokyo Gig Guide. Never underestimate something just because it's on GeoCities. According to the site, there are also worthwhile (albeit very different) shows that night at Nest in Shibuya (incl. hartfield, sleepy.ab and peak77) and at Cave-Be in Shimokitazawa (incl. salt water taffy, treeberrys, and Nudge'em All). The Gig Guide is fabulous and probably much better thought-out than anything I could come up with on my own.

Barring that, there are still four other events listed for the 29th on my calendar. But don't let all the planning fool you. I'll probably just end up cleaning my apartment and playing videogames that day...minus the part about cleaning my apartment.

music

This is more for me to remember than for you.

[note to self] See The Hot Crews when they come to Tokyo in July. They'll be playing at Club Phase [map] in Takadanobaba on July 1st and Shibuya DeSeO [map] on July 2nd. Sara says the drummer's pretty hot. He was born in the 80s...In fact, they were all born in the 80s.

Remember how you used to babysit kids born in the 80s? Yup. I hope that senility doesn't set in by the time they get here and that you remember to go. [/note to self]

event

Can't get out of Japan for Golden Week? Afraid to travel due to the current political climate? Misguided SARS paranoia getting you down? Don't look so glum; the 4th Annual Thai Food Festival is coming to Yoyogi Park next month! Huzzah.

From May 9th (Fri) to the 11th (Sun), Yoyogi will be packed with all things Thai, weather permitting, thanks to the Royal Thai Embassy, Thai Airways, the Tourism Authority and friends. With live performances, hands-on cooking lessons, just over a hundred food booths, about as many shop stalls and a very popular massage booth, this festival promises to be all things to all senses. I can't even think of a reason not to go. Well, except for the fact that I hate crowds. But it's Thai food! Who doesn't love torturously good Thai?

That's what I thought.

audition

I just got this forwarded to me from TIP's webmistress. No guarantees, but go ahead and contact him if'n you're interested. (The letter has been proofread by me. I just couldn't resist.)

Dear sir/madam
I saw your website.
I am a Japanese independent filmmaker currently working with an American filmmaker, and I'm looking for a western female actress for
my new film project. It is a short film on Haruki Murakami (about 30 minutes long). If you would be so kind, can you let me know if anyone in your group is interested?

Thank you
Hiro
hirooda[at]yahoo.co.jp

music

It's about time I go to another Asian Kung-Fu Generation show. A lot of comparisons have been made between AKFG and Weezer. And okay, granted, most of those comparisons have been made by AKFG themselves, but still. They're an excellent live band with a strong sound, and the singer is kind of cute in that geek boy/music snob sort of way.

Of course, I can't go to the Mother Music Listen@Loud event because, even though it's free, you have to register, and I'm afraid they'll make me speak bad Japanese to them over the phone. But if you don't have the same irrational fears, you might want to try it yourself. The show features five up-and-coming Tokyo bands and The Back Horn as special guest. If you win a pass, you can bring a friend! ::cough::me::cough::

To be a little more realistic, I think I'll just see them at Club Que in Shimokitazawa on the 2nd of May (meaning I'll have to see the Image Forum Documentaries on the 29th instead). The show starts at 7:00 with Lunkhead and Tsubaki; advanced tickets are 2000 yen each.

My sister will be in town, and I think she'll get a kick out of it. Wanna come? They say she's cute. (Ahem. I'm not really pimping my sister for company. That was a joke...but she has always been "the pretty one.")

theatre & audition

Tokyo International Players will be closing a relatively successful season with Dial "M" for Murder at Sun Mall Theatre in Shinjuku from May 16th to the 18th. The only actress in the show is making her TIP debut, having won the role over dozens of other qualified performers, while all the male roles have been filled out by familiar faces.

The big complaint this past season was that, while there are a lot more women in the group than men, there were only six female characters in all of the shows combined (not including the non-speaking roles in Amadeus and You're a Good Man Charlie Brown). Meanwhile, it was difficult to get enough men to audition for the shows. So, that in mind, next season promises a lot more opportunities for the women in the theatre community.

It starts off with Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit in October (five female roles, two male). Auditions will be held by appointment on May 14th and 15th (5-7 p.m.) at Sun Mall Theatre, while they're setting up for Dial "M". If you can't make either of those days, a third audition will be held at Tokyo American Club on the 24th. Check here for details. (With "Blithe" spelled wrong. ::cough::)

To see what you're getting yourself into, why not check out this next show? You can reserve tickets online and find a map to the theatre via TIP's website. If you want to come with me, I'll probably have to go to the Friday night show because I'll be having Japanese visitors that weekend.

art?

Okay, I'll admit it. I am Doraemon's bitch. I've refused to change my Sakura Bank card to a Mitsui Sumitomo one because the new ones don't have Doraemon on it. How could I not love something that's cute, helpful, and speaks Japanese in a way that I can understand? And you know that anyone who sometimes goes by the name "Ding Dong" has got it going on.

So you can understand how there's just no way that I'm going to let the Doraemon exhibit at the Sogo Museum of Art pass me by. (By the way, I am all about wearing this dress to my next job interview! I'll be so popular.) It ends on May 5th, giving me only two more weekends to see it. Hmm...Chomsky or Doraemon? Image Forum Festival or Doraemon? My life is so hard.

(Info in English can be found at Real Tokyo.)

video art

On May 4th, the Video Art Channel will be showing eight works by Brazilian artist Erika Fraenkel, including Evento: Similodes 2 , a performance piece by Fraenkel that was filmed by Carlo Sansolo (the last artist to be featured). According to the site, Fraenkel studied and was influenced by German expressionism, but this would still be a good opportunity to see an alternative to the European and North American works that have been dominating the art form.

The event will be held at--where else?--art Lab. GOLDENSHIT (I wish I were making this up) in Nakano from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. with a discussion starting thereafter. Admission is 500 yen. You probably won't have to know any Portuguese.

film

Crap. You know how I never got to see Amelie because it came out while I was here and not only do my French listening skills suck, but my Japanese reading skills are a disaster? Weeeellll, there'll be a free showing of the film with English subtitles at The Fiddler in Takadanobaba during "Yoshiko's International Film Night" on April 20th. (Doors open at 4 p.m.; the film starts at 4:30.)

Guess where I'll be. It's the only day I can go. There are worse problems in the world, but I still can't help feeling horribly inconvenienced.

audition

Tokyo Theatre for Children is a non-profit theatre group that performs two shows a year for children (surprise, surprise). There is, of course, no pay. But the shows can be really fun and most of the people involved are fifteen kinds of fantastic. Moreover, it's a great way to meet others in the Tokyo theatre community, both professionals and non-professionals.

So, straight from my inbox to you:

Auditions for Red Riding Hood will be held on
Sunday, May 25, from 1:00 to 5:00 pm
and Monday, May 26, from 6:30 to 9:00 pm
at The Tokyo American Club (4th floor classrooms)

Performance dates are November 13-16, 2003.

All English-speaking adults are invited to audition, regardless of background or experience or IQ (actually, in that case, the lower the better) .

Come for a reading.
And bring a song to sing a capella.
Belly Dance. Polka. Yodel. Swim 20 laps.
All are good.
Flamenco. Tango. Rumba and Samba. Or even do the hustle.
Something to bring out the "creativity" in YOU!

Questions can be directed to klug[at]tkg.att.ne.jp (replace [at] with the at mark).

not dandy

E-freaking-gad. If I get one more hit from someone doing a search on "naked little girls," I swear I'm going to de-Google myself.

I don't suppose this very post will be helping matters any, will it?

theatre

Would you happen to have four hours to spare on May 21st? Hamlet is coming to Kichijoji, and he's looking a little depressed.

International Theatre Company London will be staging the play as its 20th production in Japan in association with the British Council and Hokkaido Press. Paul Stebbings, who also directed ITCL's A Midsummer Night's Dream and Macbeth (not to mention their production of The Picture of Dorian Gray), will be back to present Hamlet "in a spirit and style that reflects Shakespeare's own time and theatrical resources."

I'm not even sure what that means. Maybe we'll get to see guys in dresses and be allowed to yell at the actors while we throw food at them. I've always wanted to throw food at actors.

ITCL's shows don't ever seem to run long enough in Japan for them to develop word-of-mouth. So I haven't been able to find any reviews of past shows. The best I can do is to tell you that my friend really liked their production of 1984. And did I mention that she's really picky? Right. If that doesn't do it for you, you can find media quotes about the company itself at the Oneworld site.

Hamlet will be at Musashino Kokai Do (Purple Hall, three minutes from Kichijoji station) on Wednesday, May 21st at 7 p.m. You can get advanced tickets through Pia (p-code 325-756) for 5000 yen. Or pay 5500 yen at the door.

music

Say you weren't opposed to buying from scalpers. There may still be time to get tickets to Shinjuku Loft's 4th Anniversary Shinjuku L/L Bash. That's not to say that it's the 4th anniversary of Shinjuku Loft, which has been around since 1976, but of the bash itself, being held in conjunction with the Liquid Room. The all-day event ("all-day" being if your holidays usually begin well into the afternoon) promises to be a rowdy Midori no Hi with Aburadako, one of the "grandfathers of the Japanese punk scene," leading the pack and (speaking of packs) Guitar Wolf doing their sweaty, beer-spitting, eccentric thing. (God, I love them.) Other acts include the Neatbeats, Wrench and Yurayura Teikoku, "arguably one of the best bands this country has ever produced" (and who someone-who-isn't-me might remember from Fuji Rock last year).

Shinjuku L/L Bash vol. 2 begins at 3:30 p.m. on April 29th. Advanced tickets were 4500 yen. Now? Don't know. But maybe there's a back entrance.

film

Isn't it about time I tell you something that all of Tokyo doesn't already know?

How about that the Canadian Animation Festival is coming to Shimokitazawa?

Canadian Animation traces its roots to the foundation of the National Film Board in 1939, and the opening of the World premiere classical animation training school, Sheridan college in 1967. Since then Canadian animation has taken on a life of its own, mirroring the incredible cultural diversity of Canadians and their increasingly international outlook.

I could either be thoroughly knowledgeable on Canadian animation, or I could just be stealing verbatim from another site.

The festival runs from April 29 to May 23, and there are four programs to chose from. (Or you could just see all four for 2000 yen.) Information in English on some of the specific films to be shown can be found here.

dandy

I thought it'd be easier on visual-spatial learners if I added a calendar to accompany this blog. It has all of the events I write about (and some I will not have gotten to yet) and it'll always be the first item in the column to the right.

Because I love you. So far. (Read: until you piss me off and I have to start talking smack about you in my other blog.)

art/event

It's almost that time again. Design Festa! Huzzah!

It's the weekend of April 19th and 20th; and I'm going to make more of an effort to see the live performances this time around. With names like "Crazy Angel Company" and "Mouse-Peace" I don't see how you could possibly go wrong.

Apropos nothing, if I had a band, I think I'd name it "Helpless Sissies." Or "Pretend We're Good."

club

I understand that this is some ridiculously advanced notice, but I don't want you saying I didn't warn you. For those of us staying in town for Golden Week, both Yasuharu Konishi (ex-Pizzicato Five) and Masanori Ikeda (Mansfield) will be at Air in Daikanyama on the 4th of May. (That's a Sunday, but the following Monday is a national holiday.)

The last time I saw Ikeda, he had everyone dancing to the annoyingly catchy tune of Disney's Electric Light Parade. (Unfortunately, I already know the song by heart thanks to my dad videotaping the whole damn spectacle one summer.) Try not to hold it against Ikeda, though. With his other mixes, he turns kitsch into cool without so much as breaking a sweat.

film

"The first passage will allow the demon to manifest itself in the flesh."
"Why the hell would we want to do that?"

How could I have missed this? It's a celebration of the 20th anniversary of an entirely different Axis of Evil: Sam Raimi's Evil Dead flicks. While its Shibuya run is over, it's headed back in this direction in May (Yokohama) and June (Kichijoji). I am so damn excited, I can't even tell you. And laugh if you must, but at least I didn't make it into a musical.

Wait...that sounds kind of cool.

film

You've read the book, now see the movie! Power and Terror: Noam Chomsky in Our Times, by Tokyo-based filmmaker John Junkerman, is a "talking-head documentary" of Chomsky's appearances and interviews after the September 11th attacks. According to The Onion A.V. Club, it's "so dry that theaters showing it might as well pass around attendance sheets and assign homework." All right! Par-tay!

Who's with me? It'll be playing at Uplink Factory from the 14th to the 27th of April (excluding the 18th to 20th), but since it's only playing at or before 1 p.m., I have to see it either on the 26th or 27th.

art

Note to self: the Henry Darger exhibit is coming to a close at Watarium. Try to make use of that repeat-entry pass. Also? Try not to look so amused this time. These are mangled children. Sort of.

Here's the entry from the last time I went:
I took a peek inside Henry Darger's mind this weekend and it served as further reminder that a very fine line runs between the distinctions of "artistically quirky" and "completely insane." I spent that Saturday afternoon examining illustrations of naked little girls with penises spying on their political enemies and of children being strangled, hung, shot, and disemboweled by soldiers. The images were as cute as they were disturbing, what with the bright colors and the children's little kewpie doll faces staring out at you as they dodged bullets and begged for mercy. All I could think to say as I left the building was "Yup."

In case you don't know, Henry Darger (1892-1973) was a janitor and dishwasher in Chicago. Only after his death was it discovered that he had written a more than 15,000-page novel over the span of 60 years accompanied by aforementioned illustrations. The title? [deep breath] The Story of the Vivian Girls, in what is Known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion. Out of the lunatic, the lover, and the poet, which one of them would have come up with that title?

club

If I hadn't already made plans for tonight, I'd be going to Yellow in Nishi Azabu. It's another Fantastic Plastic night with Tomoyuki Tanaka, this time as a release party for his latest album "too". I always have the most fun dancing when he's the DJ...and when it's not annoyingly crowded.

Here's the line-up and info:

Real Dance Floor
Tomoyuki Tanaka (Fantastic Plastic Machine)
DJ HIGGINS aka Gildas (KITSUNE / DAFT TRAX)
Special Session Live : Maki Takamiya, Ryohei Yamamoto

Real Lounge Floor
Tomoaki Nakamura (MUSICAANOSSA/Cafe Apres-midi)
hirochikano (la bossa)
KITAYAMA (X-LARGE)

OPEN/START : 22:00
advance ticket : 3000 yen (1D) available at TICKET PIA
door : 3500 yen (1D)
INFO : YELLOW planning office/03-3746-2368

dandy

Do you know what's dandy? FAQs!

I will answer any and all questions. Even the stupid ones like "Can you use chopsticks?" and "Do you like Japanese men?"

audition

Does anyone want to be the voice on the Hitachi ATM? If you're interested, let me know and I'll give you information on where to send your tape.

They're looking for:
A mature, female, non-accented English accent.

The tape should contain the following three lines and your name and contact phone#/email address:

1. Please enter your ID number.
2. Please take a copy of the customer guide and a holder with you.
3. Please sign your name in the customer signature column on the right.

Hitachi will choose the narrator from the demo tape and the recording will take place in April (one two-hour session).

Personally, I think I'd be freaked out if I had to hear my own voice on an ATM. It'd be like my conscience telling me not to withdraw so much money at once or so often. "Your account balance is dwindling. Shopping is not the answer." Yeah, thanks.

theatre

I'm sort of obligated to see Intrigue Theatre's production of The Government Inspector next week in Akasaka. So if anyone wants to go, let me know.

I thought that their production of Moliere's The Miser last year was exceptional and more on par with the types of shows I really liked when I was a frequent theatregoer back home. Small-scale, high-quality productions in an intimate venue.

Also, if you saw Tokyo International Player's production of Amadeus last fall, you might remember Ian Rose as Mozart. I thought he was pretty damn good for the most part. If I remember correctly, he's also teaching an acting class at Museum Tokyo in Ogikubo, but is planning to leave Japan soon. So this is likely to be his last show in Tokyo.

The Government Inspector plays 7-13 April at Studio Akasaka Playbox. I suspect that the weeknight shows (other than Friday) and the weekend matinees will be less crowded.

film

I just did some quick research to try to find descriptions of all the films in the "Documentary Anthology" of the aforementioned Image Forum Festival. Unfortunately, I could only get information on four of the six films, and as it turns out, one of them (Dieci Minuti alla Finne) isn't even really a documentary. Also, some of the copy may be awkward because they've been written by non-Native English speakers.

Dieci Minuti alla Finne - Daniele Cipri, Franco Maresco
Technical test on the apocalypse in Palermo. They are some men in a cave while we hear explositions outside, far away. Perhaps a war, which nobody knows about. Some of the few survivors move on a desolated and uninhabited land. Images of cemeteries and deserted landscapes pass by, while the survivors start behaving absurdly like animals.
From here.
Info on the directors here.

Locke's Way - Donigan Cumming
Film maker films a family collection of photos, visibly and audibly moved. Out of breath, he tells a tragic life story. [more]

Great Balls of Fire - Leon Grodski
Great Balls of Fire resists categorisation. Is it reportage or an art work, an intentional riposte to the slickness of news coverage of September 11 and the commodification of the destruction of the World Trade Center twin towers or perhaps just at testament to the "word on the street." It features James E. Jones, a homeless man who keeps time with a cup of coins. He appears here like a modern-day soothsayer, dispensing wisdom to the passers-by. [more]

Terra Incognita - Ben Russell
Portrait of Easter Island, made without a lens, with a commentary by a computer. [more]

classical music

My idol and oblivious mentor Edita Gruberova will be performing pieces by Donizetti at Suntory Hall on April 5th and 9th. Friedrich Haider will be conducting. I will be sitting. Outside. Far away. And probably by myself.

This bites.

Oh, but look! She's finally playing Norma at Tokyo Bunka Kaikan on the 21st, 25th and 29th of April. No one wants to come with me, eh?

film

I just love how the Image Forum Festival claims to be interested in international influences, yet seems completely inaccessible to non-Japanese. Nevertheless, here are some events that have managed to pique my interests despite my pathetically limited vocabulary.

Decay of Fiction by Pat O'Neill (2001, U.S., 74 min.)
The Decay of Fiction, eight years in the making...is the most complex piece ever produced by Los Angeles-based special-effects whiz Pat O'Neill and the fullest expression of his career on the periphery of the dream-factory assembly line.[more]

The Forgotten: A Documentary Anthology (I heart documentaries. Details to follow.)

Videos by Miranda July (1996-2001, U.S.)
Defining Miranda July is like trying to define a color. When confronted with the scope of her work--multimedia performance, experimental audio, single channel video, fanzines, riot grrrl film and video distribution, and now perhaps, following a cameo as a nurse with a bruised eye in Jesus' Son, acting--the head spins. [more]

Films by Matthias Muller
Matthias Muller's films merge visceral emotions and dense abstraction in dream-like collisions of found footage and original processed material. His formalist image manipulations in dazzling rhythms of light and shadow explore nostalgia, desire, death, and destiny. This survey of films from Muller's broad and developing body of work highlights a decisively alternative queer aesthetic, extending the tradition of experimental artists from Kenneth Anger to Jean Genet. [more]

Selections from the Holland Animation Film Festival

Rivages Lointains - Art films from Europe from 1995-2000

I would have added some of the Japanese film events, but I don't think I'd be able to understand any of them. But from what I've seen so far, the imagery still looks pretty amazing.

event

It's hardly a secret that there will be no Harukaze rave in Yoyogi Park this year. Last year's was bigger than ever and I remember hearing complaints that it became way too popular. "Commercial," even. Still, there was plenty of drug-taking and merry-making, and I can't say that I'll miss it. I even wrote about it in my Super-Secret Blog last year (entry below), declaring "never again" while clutching my hair in both hands and staring at my dilated pupils in the mirror.

But here's the thing. Synchronisity is taking over the spring rave this year with Shanti. Their motto? "No drug [sic]. No violence. No garbage." (I'm sure that's how they managed to get permission after Harukaze was denied.) Moreover, they've announced a long list of great performers from their other events. And, with all these promising changes, one might even hope that the bathrooms will be not-nearly-as-disgusting this year.

So, as a new-and-improved, responsible citizen, I'm packing only my dance shoes and my vitamin C and heading over to Yoyogi...Well, okay. Clothes too. I suppose I ought to wear more than just dance shoes.

____________________________________
Okay, here's last year's entry. Names have been changed blah blah blah.

Yesterday, I went to Harukaze, a huge annual party in Yoyogi park that has, apparently, become extremely commercialized over the three years that it has been running. Nevertheless, that didn't stop the space cakes and mushroom soup from selling. In the first year, about two hundred people converged; but this year...well, okay, I'm not really good with numbers. A lot. A lot of fucking people were there--dancing, drinking and lying around on what seemed to be one big blanket. And a good many of them didn't seem to believe in the modern wonders of deodorant.

Boys and girls, let me say right now that drugs are bad. You don't want to poison your body that way. You'll feel super-aware at first, but then you'll realize that you can barely feel your hands. And, when it starts raining, you'll have to keep asking people, "Is it really raining or am I imagining that? Really? Is it raining? Are you sure? It's not raining, is it?" Then you'll miss feeling normal and will just want the trip to end. You'll feel like you'll do anything to come down. You'll convince yourself that the trick is in your own reflection. If you could only get to the mirror and see your own face, you might return to your senses. Better yet, if you can get back home, everything will return to normal. Of course, you'll be wrong. Then you'll leave the other self-poisoners, forcing yourself to come down alone. Since no one else is there to share your own drug-induced thoughts, you'll have to live in your head for a little while. You'll think people on the bus or train are not only German, they are also laughing at you and talking about you. "They know!" you'll convince yourself. Then you'll wonder if you're talking out loud and are just unaware. Or maybe you're flatulating like crazy and are too fucked up to realize it. You'll try to listen really hard and focus on your faint reflection in the window in an attempt to grasp any semblance of the real you...and also to make sure you're not really flatulating. But it'll occur to you that you're still not normal. You can't focus. Then, when you get home and run to find your reflection--your key to awareness--you'll be greatly disappointed. You'll notice all the flaws in your face and will become overly-fascinated by your dilated pupils. You'll try to go to sleep, but the thoughts in your head will be too loud. You'll turn on the radio, but the only thing on will be 60's rock, which you will angrily declare to be "crazy drug music." And then...and then...if you're lucky, you'll finally fall asleep declaring "Never again."

It was strange to be around a bunch of people on E when I, myself, chose not to do it. Really. My choice has something to do with the fact that I hoard my serotonin like a motherfucker. But one of my friends has this habit of telling everyone what she likes about them when she's under the influence. Just for laughs, let's list what she said about me yesterday.

1) "You're such a free spirit." -- Hee hee! No one who really knows me ever says that about me. I'm uptight and have to plan everything. Freedom makes me nervous.
2) "You're so cute!" -- I don't know if she meant my mannerisms or my appearance. But it makes me feel like Meg Ryan, and I'll have to object. Yick.
3) "You have such a kind heart." -- Um. Most of my friendships are formed on the foundation of misanthropy. I don't people-watch because I like people. I people-watch because I like to make fun of people.

So there. I think I've proven my point well: I am a miserable human being.